Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tin Foil


Tin foil

The dishes were finished and stacked.
I rinsed and folded into quarters the aluminum foil I’d used for dinner
in a fit of geometric eco-responsibility.
It flashed a memory of my mother doing the same thing 45 or more years earlier
her reuse of the tin foil as she ALWAYS called it,
a product of the depression (Ireland’s was chronic) and war, that was chronic too,
of want and scarcity rather than of concerns about biodegradation,
landfill use and water table contamination.
Still, standing, holding the sheet that dripped some water beads into the sink,
our memories met on the surface of the foil now
crinkly clean like the Spring ice on a lake and not on a rink that’s been Zambonized.
The dining room table set – Sunday dinner –
a mid-afternoon tableaux of a functional, not perfect, life
a solid tasty meal, charged conversations about politics and religion,
not sex or money, and finished with a clean up
where re-using something that wasn’t broken or finished was the norm
long before I brought that "new idea" home from a Boy Scout meeting or
before it became vogue or ultimately the dusty detritus of thrift shops
their shelves filled to overflowing with castoff stuff from those who survive and
who already have stuff to overflowing and who can’t bring themselves to simply
throw it out along with fading memories of past imperfect.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Holy Wars


Holy Wars

How can anyone keep a straight face and
tell me without batting an eye,
how much they love God and how much God loves them
and then describe religious riots or factional wars, death and wounded counts
in terms that sound more like baseball scores on ESPN, or
that hearken to the Crusades or to Manifest Destiny,
the Cold War or the fervor of evangelism run amok?
How can someone be so fired up about their religion that they’d do anything from
diabolical torture of an individual to burning alive hundreds of people in locked
churches and mosques then employ expiative self-flagellation, self mortification and
even self-immolation in case anyone wasn’t paying attention to their piety?
It’s all so eschatological;
apocalyptic underscores to 3D movies where we load our guns and shoot them
to news clips of an 18 year old soldier fastidiously activating a drone
equipped with racial profiling software all designed to travel quietly and without
human input, kill anyone who matches, even a child,
to a pin up caliber photograph of a beautiful woman- a soldier and a sniper-
who has a documented kill from over a mile away all the more
more impressive since it says her lipstick remained unsmudged and her mascara intact.
We abhor the garrote and machete yet employ
rocket, bomb, fire, bacterium, invoke God…
all in the name of the uniformly same righteousness that
we’ve had coded into our DNA by our grandfathers and our politics –
the same DNA that from the same sources and the same reasons once launched
a thousand ships, that saved the Union, that charged into the valley of death and that
was invoked even as a jet plane was flown into a tower
and a zealot pulled the charger in a crowded marketplace.
In the end there are many holes, none of them holy.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Car Safety



Car Safety

Cars are safer than women
less fickle too unless we’re talking older Triumph, MG, Sunbeam, Jag,
Alfa Romeo or Renault and certainly more predictable, reliable, stable
forgiving
receptive, grateful, dependable, honest – sigh –
weather’s not a problem, they’ll fire up whether it’s hot or cold,
high end input’s appreciated but not mandatory;
they’ll usually run on whatever’s in your wallet
give it their best
get you there and back without much fuss or bother
even take an occasional hit for you.
Flat tires are caused by the monster lurking in water filled potholes -
its cousins, the ones called bad luck brackish babes,
prime, hum, purr, rev up, burn plastic, distract the hell out of you and then
flash the check engine light
as soon as you signal a lane change, hit the shifter and change gears;
inevitably change the channel, sputter, stall and seize up when you pop the clutch.
Hit the hazards and call the wrecker, bro.
You’re totaled.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sunflowers in the rain



Sunflowers in the rain

In the rain sunflowers turn their faces and become umbrellas
deflect the wetness and embrace the vague.
In the sun, they turn and look invited into my window, to my chair, focus
watch me scratch my head, hold the last of your photos
now removed from frames and their prime positions around the house-
one where we watched America’s Got Talent together and the other one in the bedroom -
it’s the one we’d had lunch and then returned to our hotel and made love all afternoon.
The sunflowers and I bake, sweat, stare, catharse and wonder what went wrong
how it all unraveled.
Why wasn’t I enough? You told me I was your everything!
In fairness, you did chuckle when I repeated the refrain.
You lied. I didn’t.
Why did you need to go there, to that dark place you go to alone? Why damnit?!!!!!!
FUCK!
Eyeless sunflower faces stare, don’t look away even as they
don’t understand how I didn’t see, know, feel, call you on it,
how I couldn’t figure it out sooner, or instead, figured it and worse,
why I also ignored it, didn’t call you out, 
why I didn’t bail, ring the bell, hit the bricks when you fed me
astounding righteous bullshit and rationales
like I was some sort of neophyte to this scene of dependency and relational lies.
You got too comfortable, entitled, too angry, perturbed, jostled -
let down your guard one time too many and finally made the fatal mistake -
the wrong audience, the critic who would not be bought.

The sunflowers know because they
felt your face, your smile and remember
how our hearts once beat together,
how we could melt at a touch,
how we connected through mind speak and even when asleep.
DAMNIT!!!!!

I’ve learned that when a woman tells me
“you’re a really nice man unlike any other I’ve ever met:
you see me, hear me, know me, listen, can read me, we’re so connected: soul mates” –
that I’ve been handed a terminal diagnosis,
a death sentence.
I’m done already, skewered, hung, inverted, exsanguinated like a Halal chicken and also
in need of a place to land when I'm cut down and fall over,  my final run completed.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Happy Hour in the Neighborhood


Happy Hour in the Neighborhood

I’m now a prowler in a place I once pranced, held court, received homage,
buzzing in under the radar for a visit –
lundin* with my daughter at a table I’m supposed to have had an assignation,
one I examine for scratches, initials, stains, fingerprints, memories, tangibility –
all for naught.
Not a surprise: it never happened.
Once familiar haunts deemed quite “the” places,
cornerstones of a solid neighborhood, are now 
mostly tired and worn in spite of fresh flowers and menus,
six flat screen televisions each with its own cable box, game or music video
and a kitchen with an “A” rating from the Department of Health.
The joint is as jaded as its late afternoon patrons, who sit and stare,
don’t really talk to one another, make believe they’re doing work;
the aged waitress, no longer cute, a holdover from an earlier iteration of the place,
is totally played out as are the newer younger ones in tight black T’s and stretch pants
their boobs and butts scrunched and popped,
surely cute and lacking attitude but clearly the second string compared
to the crew at the Italian place across the street where it’s attitude central;
the wannabes inhale cigarettes and Starbucks outside at the corner on their break
scan the street, check out the guys exiting the pizza shop,
hope the guy with a Vette or Porsche or even a Chevy will stop
open the door, nod and like Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman,
take them away, anywhere, from all this.
They know they can text their mothers from the road to the Shore,
that their mothers won’t tell their fathers and
tomorrow, they can call in sick to work.
I’m only half way through my first 2 dollar happy hour draft pint.
The evening’s young, my pen’s full and my notebook and bladder are empty, even as
the dinner crowd’s just coming in the door.

*lundin:  the late afternoon equivalent of Brunch: a combination of lunch and dinner

Friday, August 26, 2011

Forbidden Fruit


Forbidden Fruit

Is it because you’re forbidden fruit that I want you so much?
Exotic.
A known soul from our conjoined past lives come to visit?
Your teasings, enticings, attributionals, rhythms got my interest in spite of my hesitation
my warnings to self: “Don’t be a fool: don’t go there! Leave the apple alone.”
I did. Go there.
Unlike Aeneas, I had no one to lash me to the mast to fetter my need.
I launched. Gladly. Knowingly.
I actually thought you unloosed your bonds, joined me,
went there too, overcame your fear … I thought..
Now you’re retreating
pulling back, re-tethered to your office, your memory, doubt, fear;
solace in your busyness
like a meditating nun who safely chants the hours from her cell deep in a cloister.
Even though you’ve dropped your veil, looked right at me and stroked my hand, heart
so close….so… close….
POOF!
Unlike her you’re afraid to let go, to ride the unknown ecstasy, unmuffle the harmony, potential
utter “My God!”
even as you try, mix it up for awhile, feint
then change the rules you’ve made or those that came with you and
I somehow figured out.

This won’t go on forever my dear:
I’m at the light,
you’re pushing a milestone and a fork in the road;
there are but 150 psalms.
We’ve given up searching for virgins, for schedules.
The building’s on fire. The alarm’s been pulled, the ladder’s been set and awaits.
Open the window, climb out, ride the rails to freedom:
the apple’s already been bitten.
Everyone’s survived and there are no second bites.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Forbidden Fruit



Forbidden Fruit

Is it because you’re forbidden fruit that I want you so much?
Exotic. A known soul from our conjoined past come to visit?
Your teasings, enticings, attributionals got my interest in spite of my hesitation
my warnings to self: “Don’t be a fool: don’t go there! Leave the apple alone.”
I did. Go there.
Unlike Aeneas, I had no one to lash me to the mast to fetter my need.
I launched. Gladly. Knowingly.
I actually thought you joined me, unloosed your bonds,
went there too, overcame your fear … I thought...
Now you’re retreating
pulling back, re-tethered to your office, your memory, doubt;
solace in your busyness
like a meditating nun who chants the hours from her cell deep in a cloister.
Even though you’ve dropped your veil, looked right at me and stroked my hand, heart
so close….so… close….
POOF!
Unlike her you’re afraid to let go, to ride the unknown ecstasy, unmuffle the harmony,
utter “My God!”
even as you try, mix it up for awhile, feint
then change the rules you’ve made or those that
came with you and that I somehow figured out.

This won’t go on forever my dear:
We know I’m not 40 anymore, but
you’re also pushing a milestone and a fork in the road;
there are but 150 psalms.
We’ve given up searching for virgins, for schedules.
The building’s on fire. The alarm’s been pulled, the ladder’s been set and awaits.
Open the window and climb out:
join me. 
The apple’s already been bitten.
Everyone’s survived and there are no second bites.

Smoke Rings


Smoke Rings

Today I ate American cheese on a roll 
lettuce and chips too;
unconjured, dad visited with his ’59 turquoise Pontiac Catalina
father and son reflected in the chrome ribbed dashboard –
bling before bling was bling –
V shaped chrome tipped tail fins wayyyyy in the back,
hanging out listening to Cousin Brucie
enjoying
nothing else, together the  only agenda
he knowing, as I do now,
those days wouldn’t last
somehow imprinting me unawares
coding my DNA while
I drank a Coke and he blew
Pall Mall smoke rings that bounced
off the pink aluminum framed plate glass window of the diner that
overlooked a winter stilled ferris wheel and
the light that had a green right turn arrow with no one there.

in memoriam for what's his name


In memoriam for what’s his name

I can’t remember his name
the Irish kid from Astoria who died in freshman year of college –
a “stupid accident” they said;
as opposed to what? A smart accident?!
Fucking idiots.
Anyway…I can’t remember his name.
I can remember his face
I can remember his mother crying her heart out
keening, asking questions no one would answer,
his high school buddies stunned but not so much that they
couldn’t forget to tell her stories about him and make her laugh in spite of herself.
I remember picking up the “family priest” from a rectory to which he’d been banished
who answered the door on the 5th ring
whiskey-breathed and unkempt,
of being grateful for once for the time it would take to get from lower
Westchester to Astoria on the Thruway and then the Bridge on a hot humid night.
I kept the windows in my Bug closed for 45 minutes – told him the a/c was on -
turned it into a goddamned sauna on wheels and
sweated the Johnny right out of him by the time we arrived and
he’d combed his sweat slicked hair and begun the Sorrowful Mysteries on black beads
he had to borrow from the undertaker
his rheumy eyes turned to heaven somewhere beyond the stuccoed chapel ceiling.
I remember the guys, between Glory Be’s , rolling their eyes, whispering priest stories,
-already dark- that too many of them knew and continued telling
even as he finished the ritual and took his lingering leave.
From the corner of my eyes I watched his hands on the return trip,
windows open, determined to toss him if he made one move.
I remember getting home too late
having a smoke and a beer and thinking “all this totally sucks;”
and, for the life of me, I still can’t remember his name, the dead Irish kid from Astoria:
may he rest in peace.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Life and Whoopee


Life and Whoopee

When we’re little we love everything there is to love about whoopee pies
how awesome they taste by themselves
spectacularly so with a glass of really cold milk on a mid summer afternoon…so good. Dare we say it…
even better than Oreo’s and really cold milk?!
No? That’s pushing it?
Toss up?
OK. Toss up.
But either way, that’s awesome stuff.

When time passes we tend to ease up on the pies
get down on ourselves yet still manage to
love everything there is to love about whoopee,
how awesome it is by itself
spectacularly so with someone else who’s really hot or myopic or,
dare we say it…
still breathing?
No? That’s pushing it?
OK.  Toss up.
(Leave the breath holders alone.)
Either way, that’s awesome stuff.

Time passes some more.
We love everything there is to love about whoopee
and pie and breath holders and
indulge whether chilled, hot, warm, tepid, svelte, chunky or
dare we say it…
at least moving?
No? That’s pushing it
Toss up?
Any way it goes, it’s still awesome.

In the end, we balance the things we like -
whoopee pies, whoopee, cold milk and breathing +
with the ones we love, maybe even ourselves along with
the tepid ones who, like us,  pound away faithfully and earnestly like
the masons out back who chisel and point the wall,
sweat in hot summer afternoon sun and still
whistle meringue tunes.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Vigil


Vigil

I’m alone and contemplative the night before class,
the first of a new semester;
my windows open wide on a perfect late summer night
a glass of wine, some cheese, jazz, a warm breeze
a night so perfect that even the crickets can’t stop singing…
I close my eyes and listen.
I could be anywhere from Maine to Squam Lake to New Rochelle until
I’m jolted into place space and time by my upstairs neighbor,
a perennially mild mannered chap,
who answers his phone and then yells at his “ex” to “leave him the fuck alone!”
The crickets chirp in contrapunctal harmony and I resume my musings,
consider the perils and pearls of constitutional law
to import to kids away from home for the first time whose constitutions
probably need a bit of jump starting by the 5th 8th and 14th amendments, perhaps
the passion of the preamble
or an abrupt realization they’d better get up and caffeinated because
this isn’t T’s, jammies, flip flops and senior year at Fuzzy Wuzzy High School for the Precocious.
It’s three hours later, the crickets are still at it: I’m alone so I’m not.
Tomorrow may be different:
I wonder if it’s ok to ask my student for her mother’s phone number. 

Monday, August 22, 2011

Dawn Amen



Dawn Amen

Dawn waits for no one: she
may come quietly but never unannounced.
A songbird rousted from sleep stretches, runs a few practice scales,
breathes deeply, lets loose with Lauds at 430 AM
awakens me like a persistent muezzin I once heard in Casablanca
who wants someone out there to hear his efforts,
accepts that I remember but no longer speak the words, that
I will remain somnolently supine but respectful
refrain until his completion and only then
turn from the window’s breeze to my sleeping lover,
trace her nakedness shadowed by sunlight with a gentle hand
feel her stir shift smile reach
pull me closer, closer, until our wide open eyes together shut tightly, 
our lips part, call on God, whisper
 “Amen” and “Good Morning.”

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Songbird


Songbird

In long-awaited spring sunshine of morningkind
a robin balanced like a runway model on a catwalk in Bryant Park
atop a blossoming cherry tree at a metro station
puffed his chest
ran a few quick scales
threw back his head and launched into a capella riffs and trills,
week-weary commuters en route to trains stalled in their tracks
glared at a passing ambulance’s blasting sirens that simply
exhorted the virtuoso to even more successful efforts of sonic
derring do that when ended were met
with applause, smiles and cheers:
alas, they were not the prequel to an encore as he darted   
in pursuit of a passing female who’d caught his eye.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Presence


Presence

We’re told the age of ancient gods and goddesses is gone
over and done with, the stuff of fancy
replaced by newer varieties of objects d’arte and religious experience
singles formed and served up for the modern nomad on the go who’s
still stuck in the middle of a heat wave,
camels and drums traded for iPads and Range Rovers.
Venus once rose from the ocean leaving those who saw her nakedness kerfluzzled and
gasping for breath even as rivulets of salt water made their way down her nape
along her arms and dripping from her pinkie
to a belt of sea foam that lapped at her navel:
you descended the stairs as diaphanous as Aphrodite or even Mithras
or perhaps a Duchess of Granada
shining in your own non-reflected glow, your deep brown eyes flashing,
your blue dress cleverly yet discretely accentuating,
its knots hinted at though did not reveal, as yet, what lay beyond.
A droplet of salty sweat made its way made its way unchecked to your décolletage:
though protected by a brooch it
could not deflect my stare even as I tried not to  
lose my breath or fall on my face
my Achilles heel discovered.

Friday, August 19, 2011

I like her and I love her


I like her and I love her (with regrets to Catullus)

I like her and I love her
I’ve known her forever – longer than either of our marriages (all of them) or
relationships (all of them too);
we’ve talked about anything and everything
shared tears and lots of laughter too
served as consciences and mirrors for one another
raw. no holds barred.
We’ve taught and we’ve fought – exasperated one another at times –
we’ve never “done it” yet we’re more intimate than most folks are or ever will be.
We hold one another’s lives in one another’s hearts and hands
no conditions, no “buts”
know they’re safe from bad guys and the ones who think
they know what’s best for everyone;
an unlikely duo if ever there were one yet we work like the bee
who’s not supposed to be able to fly and does it anyway -
who manages to astound all who see it and even itself sometimes.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What is it about summertime?


What is it about summer time and whoopee…
pies
cicadas, humidity, traffic, going to the beach, hauling stuff to protect you from the sun
even as you adjust your suit and Ray Bans, apply SPF 100,
suck in your gut while trying to walk like a man in flip flops and
admiring bobbing babes in bikinis that you aren’t with nor is there
a chance in hell you will be even as you try to imagine what part of Brazil they had waxed.
Then there’s inevitable afternoon thunderstorms, hot convertibles,
sand in your bottom and between your toes stuck to the sunscreen
everything….everything…. chafed, not exfoliated, because
we’re men at the beach not a spa, damnit;
a quick change in the back seat of the car, refreshed, readjusted,
time for some cold beers, burgers and crispy fries,
ebb tide and games of bocce on the hard pack
for those who screwed up their knees and backs at the beginning of the season
while carrying on like 18 year old jocks on ESPN,
and begrudged consideration with ever lingering glances at attentive fuller figures
who look better by the can
patiently silhouetted against the setting sun sippin’ their Diet Cokes.

Report: Child poverty rate hits 20 percent in US as families struggle

Report: Child poverty rate hits 20 percent in US as families struggle

The Smell of Grass



The smell of grass

The smell of grass freshly mowed in softly falling rain is sweet and fresh
a scent that makes cows and sheep salivate and flick their tails like helicopters,
makes me wish for a moment that I too had a four chambered stomach to match my
four chambered heart and my four speaker sound system;
that I could join the opera of crunch, chew, dribble and swallow.

The smell of grass freshly mowed in softly falling rain mixes with the smell of
gas and oil from the mower joins the smoke from a damp cigarette burning, trailing tendrils rising beside his nose while
hanging from the corner of the gardener’s lower lip as he stops for a minute or two to survey his efforts and it smells
very different from wet grass that’s been mowed and sits
clumped
linearly arrayed in hillocks of uneven heights
drying in the sun
steamy, decaying organic matter, smelly
attracting flies
repelling me the cows and sheep, raked and gathered
destined for another pile and tossed into an unseen corner of the yard
where secretive boys once had their lair when they played Batman or
their bower
when, as swains, they managed to cajole a damsel to join them for a visit
to a secreted place
and some private time
a previously stashed blanket covering evidence of their whereabouts
until, spent
seeds scattered, they emerged unstained, rejoined the party and were not damp like the others
who stood like sheep smelling the wind.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Late Breakfast, Not Lunch

Late Breakfast, Not Brunch

Upscale widows and single young women on the move
whose husbands and fathers went before work at 6:30 AM to the Greek diner
the guys called “Dirts” -
the one still across the street that got a B in the latest survey -
for two scrambled all the way and coffee, all for $1.50 and in 4 minutes.
They arrive with aplomb at Le Pain Quotiden at the stroke of 10:12 for pressed coffee, flakey pastries,
a little summer salad with Anjou pear and artesinal goat cheese, a glass of water for $3.50,
two small soft boiled eggs and more organic high fiber whole grain bread that anyone’s gut
could possibly digest in a day or
could possibly consume in one sitting especially with two micropats of included creamery butter
served whenever the waiter feels like it;
they repose, alone,  at the reproduction farm house table that seats 20 comfortably each
surrounded by The Times, The Journal, Architectural Digest, Weekend Arts or Angry Birds
barriers behind which New Yorkers survive
that New Yorkers understand and daren’t breach -
the occasional tourist indulged not encouraged.
Meanwhile a block away, museum street vendors of original art, photography and artifacts
set up and get re-stocked in volume, in untraceable plain brown boxes and in plain sight
from the plain white van with New Jersey plates
driven by a Chinese guy who pulls up,  drops off, takes cash only and
takes off for the guys workin’ midtown
before the ladies break for the member's limited engagement and the tourists arrive.